On this Father's Day, I thought I'd share some wisdom that my father has been kind enough to impart on me over the years. Things like . . .

When fishing, choose your bait wisely. 
You're not going to catch stripers with a squid jig, that's for sure. If what you're hoping to attract is something slimy and tentacle-y and spits ink, then by all means, break out the colorful and wildly inappropriate jigs. Just kidding—you're not leaving the house dressed like that, young lady. Go get yourself a nice, sensible lure, preferably with a high neckline.

Do something you love, and don't apologize for it.
My dad is a farmer. He's been retired for years, but he's still a farmer. He loves animals, can identify every plant in New England by sight and/or taste, and by golly, you haven't lived until you've heard him describe the intricacies of artificially inseminating a cow. He never apologizes for any of this—he doesn't have to. The man knows his stuff. If you don't want to hear about frozen bull semen over dinner, eat somewhere else. It is because of him that I don't feel the need to apologize if I've taken twenty minutes to describe the intricacies of dependent clauses in sentence structure. Maybe you're bored, but I'm having the time of my life.

If you don't love it, quit—but have a backup plan.
I'll never forget the smile on my father's face when I told him I wanted to quit taking dance lessons. The idea that he'd never have to sit through a recital again, watching his daughter pirouette when everyone else was shuffle-ball-changing, didn't upset him at all. I told him I planned on taking art classes instead.
"Will there be recitals?" he asked. 
"No," I said, and Dad hugged me. "But you'll come to my art shows, right?"
Immediately, his face fell. Oh, well. Dad was never much of a hugger anyway.

Never stop learning.
One of the best things about my father is that he can do anything. I know people always say this about their dads, but in my father's case, it's totally true. Fix a car, skin a deer, build a solid investment portfolio, cook a gourmet meal using nothing but greens from the lawn and a random turtle, build a shed, repair a television using toothpicks, gum, and duct tape . . . my dad can do it. If he's never done it before, he'll learn how to do it. And then he'll teach his family. Turtle soup, anyone?

Never put your hand in a corn chopper.
Dad's all about making wise decisions. He was adamant that his daughters be safe when we lived on the farm, insisting that we stay away from blades, heavy machinery, and farm hands. My point: Dad is a big proponent of common sense. Don't stick your hand into a clogged chopper blade unless you *want* to be called Stumpy for the rest of your life.

There's no crying in baseball.
Was that Dad or Tom Hanks? Could've been Dad—he's not a big fan of tears—but I suspect it was Tom Hanks. Wait, I think what Dad said was "Listen to your mother." That certainly makes more sense.

Happy Father's Day, Dad! Thanks for making the term "farmer's daughter" something to be proud of.

I was just reading an online article about dating tips (only because I like to read, whether it's tips on dating or the back of a ketchup packet) and really, these people writing these self-help for singles articles are ridiculous.  They are LYING to you, ladies!  I remember being single, and NONE of these suggestions really work.  For example, they say to meet a man, go to:

1. Church.  Sure, you will see lots of men at church.  Accompanied by their wife and children.  If you do happen across the rare single man in the pew next to you and you do hit it off, remember: now you have to keep going to church.  Is it really worth it?

2.  The Supermarket.  The only guy I've met at the supermarket that struck up a conversation with me actually opened with the line "Hey, I like your melons."  This is not the kind of man with whom I want a long- term relationship!

3.  The Local Bookstore.  The theory here is that if you go somewhere of interest to you, you will meet someone with whom you already share a common interest.  It's a lie, ladies.  Have you seen some of the creeps that hang around the stacks at Barnes & Noble?  The men who go there to find a good book are really only interested in finding a good book, not cruising for chicks.  Plus, if you're an avid reader like me, you yourself will have your nose stuck in a novella and quickly shush Prince Charming if he happens to ask you to direct him to the biographies.

If you want to meet a man, here's where you really should hang out:

1.  The Bar.  Time-tested and true, this is the place to find a guy.  If you flirt shamelessly and act a little drunk, chances are, you won't be going home alone that night!  And really, half the time those one night stands DO pan out to a long-term relationship.  Unfortunately, it's usually with a drunk.

2.  Work.  I hate saying that, because this is a Human Resources nightmare, but really, you spend more time at work than anywhere else.  And you're working with people who (presumably) share the same career goals and interests and have the same problems with corporate as you do.  Just never, ever, date your boss or your subordinate.  That would be very bad.

3.  Online.  Although there is some social stigma attached to this, it's rapidly becoming more and more acceptable, especially as more people do it.  Just be smart about it, ladies.  Don't lie about your age, because if you do meet Mr. Right, you will eventually have to tell him you are a liar.  Don't use an old photo or your "thin" shots if you've put on a few (40) pounds.  You will only get your feelings hurt when you do meet.  And be wary of those who would lie to you.  If his profile photo makes him look like a Calvin Klein model, he's lying (and possibly looking to scam you).  If he says he's 6' 2" and you can see his grandmother towering over him in his profile pic, he's lying. And if he has a white band of skin on the finger where a wedding band should be, he is a liar, liar, pants on fire!

I hope these tips have been helpful for all my single friends.  I will now resume my  life as a smug married.